I'd rather be having a beer!

Dear Client Who Asks Me A Question And Then Won't Shut Up So I Can Answer Her:

Ask your question, sit down, shut yer yap and listen quietly while I vainly attempt to instill some knowledge into that teeny tiny little brain of yours. And then, when I've finished my imparting my little nuggets of sense onto your ignorant butt, if there are any more questions, that would be the time to ask. Don't blaze into my office (or call me up,) waste my time, ask a question and then attempt to tell me the answer. 1) You don't know what you're talking about 2) I do 3) No, really, you don't know what you're talking about 4) You're being rude 5) You're wasting my time 6) I don't call (or come into) your office, insult your intelligence, waste your time, interrupt you after every other word and take out my frustrations on you - what in the world makes you think you have the right to do this to me? 7) Don't attack me personally just because you don't like the company I work for. This is a paycheck - I did not scour the wanted ads for an employer whose values exactly reflect my own. I was hired, I learned my job, and frankly, I'm good at what I do. I manage to juggle all of these things and still go home and sleep at nite because I'm not particularly interested in which charities the company I work for supports. I'm sorry you disagree with some of their choices. I wasn't aware that the interests of my employer were a direct reflection on me personally. 8) Please squelch the urge to rearrange my desk. I like my phone where it is. I have my business cards there for a reason. The whole system works very well for me, thank you. You are more than welcome to go back to your office and rearrange your things, but please, please, leave my belongings alone. 9) While we're on the subject, the space behind my desk is reserved for me. You do not need to come over, stand behind my chair, hover over me and stare at my computer screen while I work. The two comfy chairs in front of my desk are there especially for you. Use them. 10) Your time in my office is not play time for your kids. They do not need to be crawling under my desk. They do not need to be behind my chair reaching for my purse. They do not need to be messing with the printer beside my desk.

I would appreciate your compliance with all of these issues. Please be prepared to act like a normal, well-mannered human being the next time you grace me with your presence.

(Okay, so I got a little off the subject. Sue me. :P)

posted by Arctic Skipper @ 3:31 PM