How Am I Supposed To Fit My Fat Ass Back Into THAT??!?!!
As I'm sure is true for many of you, I've put on a couple of pounds over the holidays. My mother was in town for Thanksgiving, (or, as we like to call it, Stuff Yourself Until You Pop And Then Go Back For More, with football thrown in, Day) and I'm placing the deviation from my work out routine directly on her door step. You never want to feel rude when friends and family come to visit and are staying with you, and to me, it just seems like poor hospitality when you take valuable time away from your guest and spend that time downstairs working out instead of curled up on the couch with a glass of wine, watching the What Not To Wear marathon together. That's some quality mother-daughter bonding time right there!
Truthfully, I was too busy enjoying my visit with my mother to work out. (It had nothing to do with the 5 day bender we went on or the copious bottles of wine that we went through - really! But, honestly, can you tell me that you've ever put in a quality work out when hung over? I'm just sayin!)
So, it all started with Thanksgiving. I tried in vain to get back into my regular work out schedule, but company Christmas parties, family coming in, entertaining friends, dinners, soccer games, leftover Halloween candy and all the insanity that goes along with the holidays kept me away from the work out equipment until I suddenly discovered that 15 extra pounds had snuck up and attached itself firmly to my ass.
Shorty called me a few minutes ago to tell me about a special that one of the airlines is running - $219 one-way to Puerto Vallarta. That's $438 round trip. $876 for two people to go to Puerto Vallarta - and a friend of ours offered to hook us up with a hotel for $85 a night. (He always stays right on the beach, so I'm assuming that this is a fairly nice hotel - but it could be a cockroach-infested hut for all I care! It's 35 damn degrees below zero in Fairbanks right now! Hell, get me to Mexico I'll sleep on the damn beach!! That's probably where I'll end up passing out, anyway . . . . ) This is just something Shorty's looking in to, but it's sounding pretty awesome. The catch - the tickets have to be used by the first week of March. My ass will not be small enough to fit into any of my bikinis by the first week of March. Not through any normal means of weight loss, anyway. That's right, bitches - nothing but Ex-Lax, water, celery and apples until March! (I've read that eating celery and apples actually burns more calories than they have in them. I read it on the Internet, so I know it's true.)
PUERTO VALLARTA!!! The land of margaritas, hot cabana boys, white, sandy beaches and sun! It's on!
posted by Arctic Skipper @ 10:52 AM
5 Comments:
so we need to keep secret the pile of frozen pizzas we have stashed in my store for lunch?
Well, the good news is that there is no law against fat people going to the beach. KIDDING! KIDDING!!! I'll call around to Lane Bryant and see what we can do for you regarding bikinis. hee hee hee ho ho ha ha ha
:)~
Just drink the water when you get there. You'll lose all that weight and then some.
But make sure you don't get pregnant. That's in the water, too!
You love me.
I still think you're FOS. You be gorgeous. :P
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