Dear Incredibly Rich Guy Who Wants Nothing More Than To Send Me Large Amounts of Money:
As I'm sure you're aware, it's a little dicey to send large quantities of cash through the mail nowadays. Therefore, instead of sending me the obscenely large amounts of money I know you're just itching to fork over, I've compiled a list of appropriate items that you may gift me with:~ a red 2007 Dodge Dakota 4WD 4 door pick-up with dual exhaust, chome accents and the latest Rockford system.
~ a $100,000 gift certificate to Lowes so that I can remodle my kitchen and downstairs bathroom, re-carpet our upstairs, build a small deck off of our master bedroom, take out the sliding glass door and put in French doors to access our current deck, upgrade to thermal pane windows and landscape our front, side and back yards.
~ anything off the A&F, AE, JCrew, Victorias Secret and Banana Republic websites
~ the entire Nordstroms store (instead of bequething you with the head ache of trying to chose what to purchase, just buy me the store and I'll use items as I see fit.)
~ a private jet
~ season tickets to the Chiefs, Steelers, Yankees and to UFC
~ a getaway mansion in Malibu
~ another getaway mansion in Italy
~ a yacht
~ my very own Louis Jadot vineyard
~ a new Demarini F2 bat
~ a new Miken Freak bat
I'll continue to provide you with an updated list as my gifts arrive.
Your generosity and undying love and devotion are, as always, appreciated.
- Skipper
posted by Arctic Skipper @ 5:34 PM
6 Comments:
hmmm checking wallet. "Dang I'm a little lite." I'll get back to ya :P
Linds, when you find this wonderful man, will you make sure that he is hot and has a twin brother for me? Do you think that your sugar daddy is going to have a problem with you dating and living with Shorty? Or do you think it will kind of be like a reverse Hugh Heffner thing going on where you will be allowed to have three men and call them all your boyfriends? When you figure out the logistics of how to swing two men successfully with one of them being your true love, and the other your swooning sugar daddy, I'd better be the first one to learn your tricks of the trade. Keep me posted. Oh, and when the money starts coming in, I have a list of things that I need, too, so SHARE-ZEES!
Spyder - I don't want your excuses, I just want your money.
Fatty - we mastered the art of juggling boys in college. Are you that rusty?? Oh, crap, my family reads this! I mean, erm, I would never ever play with guys that way. That's horribly mean and wrong and girls like that aren't nice.
My sugar daddy's trying to woo me away from Shorty, I just don't have the heart to tell him it will never work. Who am I to shatter some poor guy's hopes and dreams?
Besides, who said anything about true love? This is just Shorty we're talking about! ;)
OMG...what was I thinking. I know how to handle more than one man at a time! Isn't that how I got in trouble with the Ice Dogs??? hee hee...geezus. Obviously I need more juggling practice. And, you're right, it is just Shorty, so no biggie. I remember you saying you were going to use him to buy a house or something and then get rid of him when Mr. Megabucks showed up on your doorstep. Linds, I thought you said you'd never have an affair with Jay Bird...I just can't picture you as Mrs. Food Factory.
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