I'd rather be having a beer!: March 2006

Thursday, March 30, 2006

ARCTIC MAN!!!!! WOO HOO!!!

My super awesome friend, Karina, invited me to go to Arctic Man next weekend with her family!!!

For those of you who don't know, Arctic Man is like the ultimate party for snowmachiners. Several thousand nut bags trailer their sleds and drive to Summit, AK to watch the Arctic Man race, which involves a crazy skiier or snowboarder partnering up with an equally crazy snowmachiner. Crazy skiier/snowboarder duder launches him/herself down the mountain, hooks up with crazy snowmachine duder at the bottem and gets towed back up the mountain to the release point and then hauls butt to the finish line. The team who makes it to the finish line the fastest wins. It's tons of fun, and there are lots of cool activities, like sno cross races, the big air competition and the poker run, that go on before and after the day of the race. It's freaking awesome and was kind of a tradition for me until the last three years, which I've missed. I've totally been going into withdrawals and thanks to Karina, I get to go this year!!! WOO HOO!!! Karina popped the question the other day after soccer, and now I'm scrambling to take care of details, but I can't freaking wait!!! Power, snow, moutains, FUN!!!

This is what I'll be doing next week:

Only it will be on my dad's Ski Doo Summit 800. Yeah, I know, it's not an Arctic Cat, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. Plus, it's a great excuse to go by new gear!

I'M GOING TO ARCTIC MAN!!!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Arctic Barbie and Arctic Skipper

Blogger is being poopy and won't let me add pictures to my previous post, so here are the pictures I was trying to put in.

This one is Whit and I chillin' in front of my house: (further evidence that I can't smile like a normal person . . . .)

And this is Whit and I on the couch!

I didn't miss her at all . . . . nope, not even a little bit!

It's a little difficult to be Arctic Skipper as a brunette, but I tried!

In other news, Shorty gets in tonite at 8 p.m. He left Monday morning at 8 to fly into Anchorage for eye surgery. Well, we thought he was going to have to have eye surgery, but the doctor is trying a laser cut treatment. Apparently, Shorty's eyes are starving for oxygen, so the doctor is putting 1000 little laser cuts - in each eye. *wince* So far, the count was up to 900 on his right eye and only 400 on his left eye, so he's going back in this afternoon to finish up the treatment and then he'll be coming home!!! At first, we weren't sure if this treatment would help the floaters in his eyes as the doctor reported that it was just to stop the hemmoraging, but yesterday Shorty found out that this will actually help the floaters go away, too!!! It'll take a month, but at least they'll be gone, which is absolutely fantastic!

He's been staying with our two favorite friends while he's been in Anchorage, which means that I've gotten a few goofy phone calls at midnite from Shorty and J, who've been enjoying Boy Time. J introduced Shorty to sugar-free Red Bull and Vodka and some big game hunter game on PS2 (I know I'm going to get hell for that one, but I have no idea what the game is. SORRY!) and Shorty introduced J to Distraction and Drawn Together on Comedy Central. My sincerest sympathies go out to K. Actually, we probably had this coming because the boys have had to put up with our (K and me) insanity when we get together, so I guess this is only fair. Still, I'm glad it wasn't my ass that had to put up with two rowdy boys!!! K called me at work yesterday asking what Shorty's favorite food was so they could order it for him, so it sounds like they're taking very good care of my cute boy. He even has a fuzzy cat to cuddle with! According to reports, J and K's cat, has been all over Shorty. Disloyal little traitor. Shorty, of course, thinks this is hilarious. We'll see how hard he's laughing when he gets home and Daddy's Little Princess (Ariel) smells Other Cat on him.

Speaking of Thing 1 and Thing 2, they've been very upset without Shorty at home. It's pretty pathetic. They've been moping around the house, sitting at the top of the stairs and staring at the door and wandering around the house looking for him. Even I haven't been that bad! ;) Okay, so maybe I have been having a little trouble sleeping, but it's only because that bed is so freaking huge and I'm all alone and every little creak in the house starts freaking me out . . . . God, I'm such a Sally . . . .

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Arctic Barbie Girls Reunion!!

Sorry it's been a while. My best friend and old roommate from college came up last week so I took the week off from work and, as I've said before, the only time I ever blog is when I'm at work. Therefore, me no at work = no update.

It was absolutely freaking AWESOME to see Whit again! I couldn't believe it had actually been 5 YEARS since we'd last seen each other. Our story is kinda funny, but I'll bust down the short, dirty version instead of the extended version. I first heard of Whit my freshman year of college. (We'll leave the actual year out since I already feel old enough, thanks very much.) I didn't know her and she didn't know me, but through gossip and misenterpretation, we absolutely detested each other. I came back to UAF my sophmore year, refreshed from a kick ass summer in Souther Cali, only to discover that my roommate for the year was none other than the eeeeevil, despicable Whitney! (dun dun dun!) I managed to avoid her bitchy butt for a couple of days, but then one fateful Fall afternoon we ended up all alone in our room together. She sat me down, we had a nice little discussion about why we hated each other, realized that every single one of our reasons was based on false information, discovered that we are a lot alike and were most probably seperated at birth (except that I'm the Cute One) and we've been inseperable ever since. (Well, up until she got married and moved to PA. ) Later that semester, Whit met Rhonda and the legacy of the Arctic Barbie Girls was born. The three of us were super close and then drifted apart, but thanks to Whit's insane visit last week, the Arctic Barbie Girls have been reunited, and it's on now! Well, it will be on as soon as one of the members dyes her hair back to blonde. (God, I'm so over this brunette thing!!)

The week went by almost too fast. It was a blur of margarita lunches at Chilis, manicures and pedicures and the consumption of several bottles of wine, which lead to my Victoria's Secret catalog being violated. (Don't ask.) Naturally, we made a trip out for a killer prime rib dinner at the Turtle Club, too. Whit also discovered how evil our exercise bike is and I got back into my workout routine. It was awesome to hang out with Whit and Rhonda again. I hadn't realized how much I had missed my two Barbie girls. Shorty got a quick, brutal initiation into my nutty relationship with Whit, and I must say, he handled it very well. He and Whit ganged up on me one nite and decided to entertain each other with some of my embarassing stories, and then I had to lay a beat down on them both, but other than that, things were great! ;)

I have a ton of pictures, but I'm going to hold off posting them (except these two of Whit and I) until I make sure it's okay with the other peeps who've been immortalized in the photos.

So, Whit's visit was great, the weather is warm and sunny and everything is melting and it's totally coming down to crunch time for Sheilah's wedding. STRESS!!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Ever have one of those days where you wake up in an absolutely horrible mood and you have no idea why? You're bitchy, pissy and generally snarky with everyone all day long. You snap at your boyfriend, you snap at his daughter, you snarl at co-workers and are just generally nasty, and, after a hideious day at work, you get home only to discover that your awesome boyfriend and his daughter bought you a dozen beautiful pink roses and have whipped up a killer dinner of steamed clammies complete with big slices of thick, crusty bread. Kind of steals your thunder and leaves you drained, eh?

Welcome to my Thursday.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

I need a vacation!

I was glancing at the calendar and realized that it’s been almost a year since I went anywhere outside of AK. Yeah, I think it’s time for a vacation!

Shorty’s only been to Hawaii once, and I haven’t been in ages. It’s also been a while since I’ve been to Mexico, and Shorty’s never been, so I was throwing around the idea of taking a cruise, maybe to Mexico. The Carribean might be fun, too. I just feel like getting out and going somewhere hot and tropical with my cute boy . . .

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

The Things I Do For My Friends! Seriously!

K was in town yesterday, so I woke up at the butt-crack of dawn to get ready in time to pick her up from the airport. See, I can be sweet and self-less, no matter what you hear from Shorty.

I gave K my truck for the rest of the day so she could do some running around and hit up her orthodontist appointment, which she's saying is the real reason she came to Fairbanks, when everyone knows that she really missed me terribly and just had to see me.

She picked me up at noon for lunch at Chilis, which was actually very good. I had a gigantic salad that I couldn't finish, and I was still full by the time she picked me up from work at 4. (Yes, I got off early! WOO HOO!) We headed over to Pikes and met Shea at the bar for drinks and appetizers before I had to drop K back off at the airport. I ordered the steamer clams and found a tiny little itty bitty crab in one of the shells!! Looks like he scrambled in there to try and hide (or he got eaten by a clammy) and ended up in my bowl. Hee hee. So I got steamer clams and crab!

This past weekend was a little nuts. Warren & Sheilah came over Friday nite after I painted one of the walls downstairs and we ordered burgers to-go from Red Fox, which is right down the street. Sheilah and I let the boys talking us into picking dinner up. It wasn't quite 8 and we were already in our PJs, and I didn't think anyone would really be at the Fox that early on a Friday nite, so we waltzed into the bar, Sheilah sporting her cute little penguin jammies and I decked out in my pale blue stripey PJs from Old Navy - and we walked right into a full bar! We got a few weird looks, but, hey, it's Alaska, you see people wandering around Fred Meyers in their PJs, so we felt a little dorky but not totally retarded. Two drinks (I had two glasses of chardonnay and Sheilah had two White Russians) and two Buttery Nipple shots later the fude was done, so Sheilah and I stumbled home nicely buzzed. I think that might be the last time the boys let us go get fude on our own.

Saturday nite we ordered the UFC fight on pay-per-view and ended up having a houseful of people over. It was way fun! Rhonda, Jeremy and their adorable daughter, Becca, came over for the first time. It was great to see them! I think I might get commisioned to help them paint their new house that they'll be building this summer. I may demand payment in wine, I haven't decided yet. ;) I hadn't seen Joel since the Affordable summer party, so it was good to see him again. Jimmy made an appearance and stayed for poker afterwards. Glenn, Linda and their two kids came over, as well as Tel and his cutie girlfriend, Megan. Poor Megan had to put up with Shorty trying to hit on her all nite. Someday he'll realize she's mine. :P I spend some quality time trying to steal her away from her volleyball team. She's totally wasted with them. Warren and Sheilah were there, of course, and they stayed for poker afterwards.

Sunday I got rowdy and cleaned the house again, did laundry, did a trash run and shoveled off the rest of the deck. I was totally in love with the deck when we first bought the house. That was before we got two feet of snow. Now, I hate the deck and I want it gone!!! It took me forever to shovel off that damn thing! (It's over 300 sq feet.) I bought a new OPI nail polish the week before, so Megyn came over and she and I did a foot spa and I tried out my cute new toe nail polish. (Wow, I'm becoming such a GIRL! *shudder*)

I'm off to a tanning appt and then I have to pick up the monster and get her fed and bathed before my soccer game at 8! I can't wait until this summer when I'm only playing one sport instead of two . . .

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Public Service Announcement - How To Poop At Work

Since the topic has been coming up in conversation so much, I thought I'd pass this along to insure that no one else has to endure what I went through this afternoon.

Those of you who know Shorty are already intimately familiar with the fart portion of this program, namely CROP DUSTING as well as THE SHORTY, which I've added at the end of the list.

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the survival guide for taking a dump at the office:

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an ESCAPEE, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an ESCAPEE. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be minimized with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is darn proud of it. You will often see an OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT-OF-THE-CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

SAFE HAVENS: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a same-sex pooper entering your bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARs. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARs that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Can spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

And, last but not least, THE SHORTY: When you feel the need to share a fart with co-workers, but still wish to remain anonymous, THE SHORTY is the best technique to use. Nonchalantly stroll over to an unoccupied phone, tear one off and move away. If your desk is within eyesight of the phone, return to your desk. If not, move to a neuatral location and pull out your cell phone. Call the number of the phone. Snicker gleefully as the unsuspecting victim answers the phone and is hit with the eye-watering stench.

Chilis doesn't suck quite as much

The first time we ventured to the new Chilis restaurant, the experience was so sucky that we vowed never to go back and actually gave away the $40 in gift certificates we got because everything was so terrible. When I say everything, I mean everything. The service was crap, the food was crap, the way we were treated was crap, the way the situation was handled was crap - everything was crap. Yes, it was that bad.

A few weeks after our horrible experience, Shorty decided to give Chilis another chance and popped in to order something to-go. Once again, service was horrible, attitudes of servers were horrible, the food wasn't that great and we renewed our vow to never step foot in Chilis again.

Last weekend we drove by, figured that it had been a few months and maybe they had gotten the kinks ironed out, and tossed around the idea of hitting Chilis up again soon.

Last nite Sheilah called and demanded (yeah, there was no asking!) that we meet she and Warren for dinner at Chilis. On our way there, Shorty informed me that he'd been told that the entire managerial staff had been fired and different people had been hired, so we hoped that this was a sign that we were in for a better experience. After all, third time is a charm, right?

This time, the service wasn't bad, (but we're so used to being spoiled by the bartenders at Brewsters and the Fox) my salad was actually really good and I had the most kick ass margarita ever! The bartender chick was even cool and played along with our retarded game of trying to think of a drink/type of alcohol for every letter of the alphabet. So, Chilis doesn't suck quite as much as it used to, but they don't have the Stuffed Southwestern Shrimp required to shift my undying loyalty away from Brewsters. Cause my shrimpies ROCK!

We're still stuck on drinks/types of alcohol that start with the letters 'Q' 'U' and 'X.' Help? HAH!! I just thought of U!! Urquell!!! It's a brand of beer we served at Pump House back in the day. Okay, now we just need Q and X. :)

Shorty still sucks because he won't let me get a miniature pinscher. :( (Yes, I want a miniature. I don't want a dog that poops bigger than I do!)