The Night My Boyfriend Tried To Kill Me
I actually made dinner last night - without burning anything!!! Yes, this really is a momentous occastion in my life. I pan-fried three boneless, skinless chicken breasts in extra light olive oil, steamed a veggie medley of carrots, green beens and corn, and added steamed rice. Sounds pretty healthy, right? It was - right up until the point that I put it all in the pan and mixed in a garlic herb white sauce - which, in my defense, also had a lot of protein in it! There was a lot of fat, too, but we'll just leave that part out. The main point is, I made dinner last night, I didn't burn a thing, our kitchen didn't catch fire, there was no gaping tear in the space/time continuum and everything actually tasted really good.In my quest to prepare a yummy, healthy dinner, I foolishly forgot one very, very, vitally important aspect - the effect great quantities of protein have on Shorty's tummy. The gurguling sounds that I heard shortly after dinner had me a bit worried, but he made several trips to the bathroom, so I fooled myself into thinking that I would be safe that night. I rarely am able to bust out a noteworthy ass bomb, but the overabundance of protein in my dinner must have had some kind of affect on me as well, because I succeeded in making Shorty, the Fart King, cough a few times in complaint, and I was feeling pretty good about myself. Later that night, as I was innocently occupied in the master bathroom, washing my face and taking out my contacts, little did I know that as Shorty was curling himself into bed with the spoiled furballs, he was plotting my demise. Looking back at everything, I should have been alerted by the fact that Ariel and Jazz simultaniously launched off the bed and rushed out of the room, but, being the innocent, sweet, naive individual that I am, I checked that our alarm was set, slid under the blankets and curled up next to my cute boyfriend. All was quiet for a few humming seconds, until Shorty gently fluttered the sheets, rolled over, wrapped his arms around me and draped a leg over mine. Foolishly thinking that he was just being sweet, I snuggled into his arms, took a deep breath, sighed - and choked at the noxious fumes wafting from beneath our sheets! My nose hairs were singed, my eyes were beginning to water and I couldn't breathe!! As darkness slowly started closing in and I gasped in vain for a clean breath of air, I dimly heard Shorty softly chuckle and whisper into my ear, "You've been served!"
80's Trivia Question O' Da Day
Kev and I were playing Totally 80's trivial pursuit during lunch (yes, I got thumped - but I was born in 78!! I think I should get a handicap!) and I missed a question that I totally should have gotten. Kev, the 80's trivia king, didn't even know the name of the show, so he had no idea what I was doing when I suddenly broke out into song in the middle of his store . . . . . I remembered the theme song but I absolutely could not come up with the name of the damn show! Then I thought I was getting the theme song confused with the theme from Flash Gordon so I second guessed myself and missed the answer. :(I was so sure that I knew the theme song to this show, but I wasn't absolutely positive, so, naturally, I looked it up on the net when I got back from lunch. I still maintain that if you can sing the theme song to the TV show but you can't remember the name of the damn show, you should get a point anyway.Moving on, I just wanted to see if any of you could guess the name of the TV show (from the 80's, obviously) that belongs to the lyrics:Look at what's happened to meI can't believe it myselfSuddenly I'm up on top of the worldIt should've been somebody elseBelieve it or not, I'm walking on airI never thought I could feel so freeFlying away on a wing and a prayerWho could it be?Believe it or not, it's just me!Shorty, here's a hint: we had an argument over the theme song of the show at Brewsters one night. Oh, and BTW, I WAS RIGHT! HAH!
Thought for the Day:
How Am I Supposed To Fit My Fat Ass Back Into THAT??!?!!
As I'm sure is true for many of you, I've put on a couple of pounds over the holidays. My mother was in town for Thanksgiving, (or, as we like to call it, Stuff Yourself Until You Pop And Then Go Back For More, with football thrown in, Day) and I'm placing the deviation from my work out routine directly on her door step. You never want to feel rude when friends and family come to visit and are staying with you, and to me, it just seems like poor hospitality when you take valuable time away from your guest and spend that time downstairs working out instead of curled up on the couch with a glass of wine, watching the What Not To Wear marathon together. That's some quality mother-daughter bonding time right there! Truthfully, I was too busy enjoying my visit with my mother to work out. (It had nothing to do with the 5 day bender we went on or the copious bottles of wine that we went through - really! But, honestly, can you tell me that you've ever put in a quality work out when hung over? I'm just sayin!)So, it all started with Thanksgiving. I tried in vain to get back into my regular work out schedule, but company Christmas parties, family coming in, entertaining friends, dinners, soccer games, leftover Halloween candy and all the insanity that goes along with the holidays kept me away from the work out equipment until I suddenly discovered that 15 extra pounds had snuck up and attached itself firmly to my ass.Shorty called me a few minutes ago to tell me about a special that one of the airlines is running - $219 one-way to Puerto Vallarta. That's $438 round trip. $876 for two people to go to Puerto Vallarta - and a friend of ours offered to hook us up with a hotel for $85 a night. (He always stays right on the beach, so I'm assuming that this is a fairly nice hotel - but it could be a cockroach-infested hut for all I care! It's 35 damn degrees below zero in Fairbanks right now! Hell, get me to Mexico I'll sleep on the damn beach!! That's probably where I'll end up passing out, anyway . . . . ) This is just something Shorty's looking in to, but it's sounding pretty awesome. The catch - the tickets have to be used by the first week of March. My ass will not be small enough to fit into any of my bikinis by the first week of March. Not through any normal means of weight loss, anyway. That's right, bitches - nothing but Ex-Lax, water, celery and apples until March! (I've read that eating celery and apples actually burns more calories than they have in them. I read it on the Internet, so I know it's true.)PUERTO VALLARTA!!! The land of margaritas, hot cabana boys, white, sandy beaches and sun! It's on!
The New Hotness
It's official - or, it was official two weeks ago - that my hot little Dakota has been totalled and I have a new truck. It doesn't have KC Chiefs stickers yet, but it will this Spring.Say hello to my 2005 GMC Canyon. 
I opted to go with a more grown-up color instead of the retina-searing red of my Dakota, but it's still red. It's got the new engine that has one less cylinder but more horsepower, so it's actually got balls and it's better on gas! The four doors instead of the two door extended cab are so much more convenient, too. It makes it much easier to get things like groceries, soccer gear, dead bodies and pounds of illegal drugs out of the backseat!I'll miss my Dakota, but I love my new hotness!
